


Are You Korean Jesus?

by valenlimes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Religious, Churches & Cathedrals, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, jeno gets high on painkillers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 10:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15947279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valenlimes/pseuds/valenlimes
Summary: They say you can't hide from the eyes of the lord, but what about the eyes of a cute boy from church.Alternatively - Jeno overdoses on flu medicine and royally embarrasses himself





	Are You Korean Jesus?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> this isn't meant to be offensive in any way i just thought it would be funny to write a crack fic for once. 
> 
> i wrote this really quickly and lazily so sorry if it kind of sucks haha T-T
> 
> thank you for all the love on the other fics, it really makes my day to see all the comments. 
> 
> enjoy!

“Are you Korean Jesus?” Jeno gaped at the holy man in front of him. 

“Jeno,” Mark hissed. “Shut up.” He tugged on his friend’s arm, trying to lead him away. Jeno whined and pulled back. 

“Stop Mark. I need to be enlightened.” Jeno stumbled forward and tripped, diving nose first into the ground in front of ‘Korean Jesus.’

“Dude, I am so sorry. He is really high on flu medicine right now. I just need to get him home.” Mark apologised, earning him a sympathetic smile. 

“No problem, I get it. Do you need help?” Jesus bent down to pick a floppy Jeno off the floor. 

“See Mark?” Jeno melted into the stranger’s embrace. “He is handsome and nice and holier-than-thou. Jesus?” 

Jesus just laughed and handed him over to Mark. 

“Come on Jen, we are going now.” He kept his grip firm as he walked away, Jeno being dragged behind.

Jeno just whined louder, holding an arm out towards the stranger. “Jesus no!” 

Jesus laughed and Jeno suddenly knew what angels sounded like. “Bye Jeno, I really hope you don’t remember this.” 

Jesus was right. The second Mark shoved him onto the sofa of their shared apartment, Jeno was out cold. He wouldn’t remember any of it after he woke up hours later from his medicine-induced coma.

 

THREE HOURS EARLIER

 

 

“Jeno get up. You promised you would come with me today!” Mark moaned. He flopped on top of his sleeping friend’s form. Jeno just grunted and rolled over. 

“Jeno! I will kick you out of this apartment if you do not follow through!” 

Jeno cracked open an eye. “I own this apartment, Mark.” 

“I am older and cook all your meals.” 

“This is abuse.” Jeno shoved the older male off. “I am sick Mark, do you really want me to come and infect all your bible-loving friends?” 

“Hey! No need to be rude.” Mark pouted. “You said you were interested in it when I asked.” 

“I _was_ interested. Past tense. That was before mid-terms and before I got sick.”

“Jenooooo.” Mark yanked the pillow out from under his head. “I have been preparing for this for three months now."  
This ‘event’ was Marks fundraiser lunch for his church. Jeno had been excited at first, the promise of free food and helping those less fortunate enticed him.  
Now don’t get me wrong – Jeno had nothing against religion. He was all for it in fact. Mark’s church was really accepting and pretty progressive, even campaigning for things such as LGBTQ rights and all that jazz. Although Jeno himself wasn’t religious, he liked to spend time helping out where he could and Mark’s church was the perfect place to put his good intentions to work. 

However, the thing about Jeno was that he never got sick. Like ever.  
The last time he had so much as a sore throat was four years ago when he had spent a night in a tent in the rain with nothing but a t-shirt and pair of sleep shorts (don’t ask).  
For some unnecessary and completely unjustified reason, the universe had decided to pay him back for all those years of good health by springing the worst cold known to man on him, right before Mark’s big day. 

“Ugh.” Jeno coughed, body shaking as pain tore through his lungs. “Fine. But you owe me big time.” 

Mark was such a bad roommate. 

In hindsight, taking six cold and flu pills at one time probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but hey, Jeno was delusional from illness and Mark was an idiot. Neither of them knew any better. 

“Hey, Mark, how many of these things am I meant to take?” Jeno held the pill bottle closer to his face, squinting to read the fine print. 

“I don’t know man – like two?”

“How long does it take for them to work?” Jeno sniffled, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his ski jacket (you heard me right). 

Mark shrugged “Like a half-hour? Maybe if you take more it will work faster.” 

“Okay if you say so.” Jeno downed six pills at once. 

“Don’t blame me if you die though.” Mark picked up the keys and headed towards the door.

It was good at first. The medicine kicked in and Jeno felt as right as rain. Better than the best. As fresh as a daisy.  
He stripped off his ski jacket and six sweaters and threw himself into the charity work, making sandwich after sandwich and handing them around to guests with a smile. 

It was around two and a half hours after taking the medicine that he started to feel the negative effects.

He noticed it first when the world in front of him swum slightly. Clutching his head, he steadied himself on the counter. “Woah, weird.”  
Shaking it off, Jeno continued on with his duties, this time offering fruit skewers to the guests. 

After a while, Mark walked over. “Yo, Jeno, are you feeling okay?” 

“Just peachy, why Markle?” Jeno giggled. “Markle, hah.” 

“The guests have been saying that you are acting weird. One guy said you tried to hug him.” 

“He looked like a teddy bear! What was I supposed to do?” 

“Jeno!” Mark squeaked. 

“Come on Markie, I was just having fun~” Jeno whined, leaning heavily on Mark, nearly spilling the tray he was holding.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Mark scooped the tray out of his loose grip and ushered Jeno towards the church kitchen. “You are going to sit here and spread the butter on these pieces of bread until I come back and get you. Do not move, okay?” He deposited Jeno on a stool by the kitchen counter. 

“Yes, Mark.” Jeno chorused, picking up a knife and stabbing the butter a few times. It was so funny and yellow. Jeno thought it looked like a tub of sunshine.  
Six loaves of bread and a half a tub of butter later, Jeno was lying on the floor of the empty church staring up at the ceiling. It was all stone awnings and stained glass and Jeno was confused as to why he wasn’t able to reach it. The sounds from the conventions room filtered through the double doors and Jeno laughed. They sounded like tiny ants and he was a big giant. 

There was a loud creak as one of the double doors opened. The noises from the event became louder for a moment before softening again when the door was shut.  
Jeno couldn’t see who it was from where he was lying, the pews obstructed his view.

There was a shuffle of footsteps and Jeno could see black Adidas sneakers from underneath the pews.  
“Hey!” Jeno yelped sitting up. “I have those shoes!” 

The stranger screamed in fright, jumping a solid six feet into the air. “Shit! You scared the crap out of me!” 

Jeno gaped and pointed a finger. “You can’t swear in here! God is watching!” 

The male stared blankly at Jeno as he lay back down on the floor. “Hey, are you okay dude?” There were more footsteps as the stranger walked over. 

“Dude I am so high right now.” Jeno sighed blissfully. “I love church.”

“Oh, you are religious?” 

“No. The theory of evolution is a thing, you know.”

“Oh, uh, okay?” The stranger came closer and leant over Jeno, peering down at him. From that angle, the light from the stained-glass windows filtered down and crowned the male’s head in a rainbow halo. His lips were stretched into a beautiful smile and Jeno had to check if he was still breathing for a quick second. 

“Pretty.” Jeno breathed. 

“Excuse me?” Jeno just continued to stare dumbly at the ethereal being before him. 

There was a loud bang and the slapping of Converse against stone tiles. “Jeno? Are you here?” Mark yelled, searching frantically for his friend. 

Shaking his head, Jeno jumped to his feet, nearly head-butting the stranger. “Mark! No yelling in the church!” He whisper-yelled, putting a finger to his lips. 

“Oh, Jeno thank god.” Mark exhaled in relief and clutched a hand to his chest. “I thought I told you to stay in the kitchen?” 

“Yeah, but I ran out of bread and I wanted to find some more. And then I found this place.” He started to sink back to the ground. Mark darted over and stopped him before he could lie down again. 

“Oh, no you don’t.” He nodded to the stranger who had been standing silently, observing. “He wasn’t bothering you, was he?”

“Nah he was fine.” The boy chuckled and Jeno gaped again. 

“Are you Korean Jesus?”

 

THE NEXT DAY

 

“Dude, I am so sorry!” Jeno cried, covering his face in his hands. Jeno hadn’t remembered anything from the last 12 hours and Mark had taken it upon himself to enlighten Jeno of his misadventures. 

“You should be! I had to leave early from the event that _I_ planned because of your loopy ass!” Mark shoved him and Jeno nearly fell off the couch. 

“You were the one who told me to take 6 tablets in one go!” Jeno whined, clutching his head. He was still as sick as a dog and the major drug-hangover he had wasn’t helping. 

“You didn’t have to listen to me!” 

“What! You can’t do that!” 

“I can and I did.” Mark crossed his arms. “At least I wasn’t the one who called a stranger ‘Korean Jesus.’”

“I did WHAT!” Jeno yelped. 

Mark cackled. “Chill man, you were lucky it was only Na Jaemin. He probably thought it was funny.”

“Na Jaemin?” Jeno mused. He liked the way the name sounded on his tongue. 

“Yeah, he is one of the guys at my church. He was the one who found you yesterday.”

“Oh no!” Memories trickled back. A blinding smile and rainbow lights. “I have to apologise!” 

“Well, you could probably come to mass this Sunday. If you are feeling well enough by then.” 

Jeno sniffed and nodded. “I am not going anywhere near a flu pill again.”

 

6 DAYS LATER

 

“Oh, god Mark I am so nervous.” Jeno gripped the older males arm so hard that his knuckles were turning white. 

“Calm down. He is really nice. All you have to do is say ‘sorry for being a crackhead’ and leave.” Mark smiled reassuringly. “It’s not like you can sink any lower anyway.” 

“Shit.” Jeno gulped. 

The mass started. Jeno nodded along, bowing his head when necessary and trying his very best to not look bored. 

“Dude,” Mark nudged him after the sermon had finished. “He’s over there.” Mark nodded towards the front of the church where Jaemin was talking with another male with sun-kissed skin. 

Jeno inhaled sharply, cheeks colouring with embarrassment. “Ok, I can do this.” He rolled his shoulders and shot Mark a look that screamed ‘kill me now.’

“Do you need me to come with you?” Mark put a comforting hand on Jeno’s shoulder. 

Jeno nearly whimpered with relief. “Yes please.” 

Jaemin smiled as they approached, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Hey there guys.” The tanned male waved to Jaemin and nodded at Mark before walking away.

“Hi.” Jeno whispered meekly.

“Aww, cat got your tongue?” Jaemin winked, eyes trailing down Jeno’s body. 

Jeno choked on air and Mark elbowed him in the ribs. “I, uh, wanted to apologise? For being so… so…~”

“Weird? Yeah, it’s okay.” Jaemin grinned. “It was kind of flattering actually, the whole ‘Korean Jesus’ business.” 

“Flattering?” He squeaked. 

“Well, yeah. It’s not every day you get a compliment from someone that looks like you, even if you were higher than the moon at the time.” 

Jeno was going to pass out. He leant on Mark for support. 

“O-okay…,” Mark laughed awkwardly. “We should probably get going now.” 

“But I haven’t forgiven him yet.” Jaemin holds out a hand to stop them. “He has to buy lunch and then I will forgive him.” 

“What!” Jeno’s legs went weak. Jaemin flashed him another brilliant smile and Jeno couldn’t help but swoon even further. Mark was fully supporting his body weight at this point. 

“You heard me!” Jaemin held out his phone. “Put your number in and I will text you the details, okay?” 

With shaking hands, Jeno reached out and punched in his digits. He may or may not have messed up the number one time or three. 

“Awesome!” Jaemin exclaimed when Jeno handed the phone back. “See you soon.” He shot Jeno another lingering gaze before skipping off. 

“What… just happened?” Mark asked, hefting Jeno up so he could get a better grip on his limp frame. 

“I don’t know but Mark I think I am gonna be sick.” 

“Ooookayyyy let’s get you home then. 

 

The text came at 1:26 AM complete with a winky face emoji. 

**NANANAJAEMIN**

Hey cutie,  
Pick me up at 11 tomorrow morning. Here is my address.

**JENOJAM**

Jaemin… it’s like 2 AM.  
What if I hadn’t seen this message?

**NANANAJAEMIN**

Ah, but you did. 

Jeno giggled and dropped his phone on his face. 

 

 

THE NEXT DAY

 

 

“Hey, babe.” Jaemin bounced into the car, planting a brief kiss on Jeno’s cheek that made his face burn. 

“Where to master?” Jeno clutched the steering wheel tight.

“The beach, I have made a reservation at a café there.” Jaemin planted a hand on Jeno’s thigh, a little too high up for it to be comfortable. 

The café was quaint, with white tables and wicker dining chairs. A young waitress took their orders and scampered off, giggling behind her hand. 

“So… am I forgiven now?” Jeno sipped on his smoothie. Jaemin had insisted he tried this kombucha-acai-god-knows-what-else concoction and he was drinking it to be polite. In Jeno’s opinion it tasted like ass.

“Hmm… no.” 

“Jaemin,” Jeno whined. “I went on the date with you what more do you want?” 

“I never said it was a date.” 

“What! Yes, you did!” Jeno spluttered, nearly spilling his smoothie down his front. 

“No, I didn’t.” Jaemin grinned wolfishly. “Do you want it to be a date Jeno?”

“I – uh…~” 

“Oh, god you are so cute.” Jaemin squealed. 

“C-cute?” Jeno’s brow furrowed. “Don’t mock me right now Jaemin, I am embarrassed.”

“No, no, no. I am not mocking. You really are the cutest thing.” The light pink blush spreading across Jaemin’s cheeks confirmed his sincerity. 

“Oh, uh, thank you.” Jeno stuttered. 

“I have to admit,” Jaemin shoved a bite of his pancake in his mouth (pancaked were an all-day food according to Jaemin), “I was really surprised to see you high in a church.”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I never want to relive that ever again.” Jeno moaned. 

Jaemin laughed. “Don’t worry too much about it. I wouldn’t have met you if it didn’t happen.” 

“Well, when you put it that way…” Jeno giggled and sipped his nasty smoothie. 

Jaemin kissed Jeno’s cheek as he got out of the car that day. Jeno may or may not have ran home to Mark and recounted the entire date while blushing so red that Mark was worried he was going to stay like that. 

 

 

THREE MONTHS LATER

 

 

“Jeno pleaseeee!” Jaemin whined as he dragged Jeno’s arm from under the covers. 

“No, there is no way I am going back there. Too many painful memories that I wish to forget.” 

Jaemin sighed and flopped onto the bed beside his boyfriend. Today was the day of the charity gala that their church was holding to raise money for homeless youth and Jeno was refusing to go because “it’s too embarrassing.” 

“Jeno you are completely healthy this time and no one is going to let you anywhere near any mind-altering substances.” 

“No Jaemin. I refuse.” Jeno covered his face with a pillow. 

“Fine,” Jaemin pouted. “I guess you won’t get to see me in my suit.”

Jeno stilled. “Suit?” 

Jaemin sighed dramatically. “And I was going to do my hair nicely. And wear my fancy cologne… I guess I will just have to find some stranger to dance with…” 

Jeno sprung out of bed. “Where is my suit Jaemin, we are going to that gala!” 

Jaemin just laughed and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips as he dashed off to shower.

**Author's Note:**

> remember to leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed, thank you for reading! <3
> 
> if you want to come yell at me or just have a conversation on twitter [@valenlimes](https://twitter.com/valenlimes) I will be posting updates about the stories on there.


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